The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
