you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
