I just made out with a guy for $7.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
