Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Randomize
