I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
