You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Come see our sink grown plant.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
