i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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