The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
