dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I checked into jail on foursquare
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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