I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
