I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
