easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
