I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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