i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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