my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
A+ Viking dick
Randomize
