i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
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My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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