I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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