Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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