I will die if light touches me.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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