hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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