So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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