Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
