Buhtt sex?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
