I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
