oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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