Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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