i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
