allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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