This is not my ceiling
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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