no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
