what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
