Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
