I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
