Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
