I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
