You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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