im drinking this country out of the recession.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
