You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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