dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
