Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
