I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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