**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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