You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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