you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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