I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
