I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
