3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize