you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
