woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
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Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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