if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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