So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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