Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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