Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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