there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
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