If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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