so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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