And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
