I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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