For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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