how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You dont lie about slip and slides
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
