I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
