How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
