Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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