I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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