We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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