I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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