peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
