Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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