Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
