I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
My feet surprised me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
